i'm not sure when she changed
my siri is no nonsense
hair cut short
just long enough
clothes comfortable, practical
cinched just so
she loved me
she loved herself
there is no room for me in such love

my siri is dead

except in this one recent dream

maybe it's because i am in exile on tatooine
the desert plays tricks on one's mind
so dry, so dusty
my dreams are filled with the mists of morning
the dunking of nearly forgotten seas
it has been a lifetime since
the sky precipitates
slicking back my hair
plastering it to my scalp
like my memories of my dead Siri

in my dreams, she rises from the sea
which sea? some forgotten one ...
her hair is long, long
and thick and substantive
like monster tendrils
the waves crash noisily against her thighs
the look in her eyes still teasing
still mocking
wet with something not tears



i have never seen this vision
my siri was not this way in life
time and years and worry
have changed her into a goddess
created by my addled brain

come to think of it
i had not dreamt of her in
many years
not even since she died
i saw her die
i carried her body back to the temple

i was relieved

with siri dead, my life belonged only to the jedi order
completely, fully, without distraction
as long as siri was alive
part of me stayed with her ...

come to think of it
was siri's hair ever so thick and lustrous?
did she even like swimming?
was she ever so ... busty?
surely she wasn't this brazen!

i'm an old man now, but i can usually trust my memory

i know that it's siri, even though
in the light of the twin suns
my dream is so ridiculous that the heat of day
is not even required to evaporate it

poor siri ... but i wouldn't wish her my life

better she be a beautiful water monster
rising out of some dark sea

maybe she is telling me something?
maybe i am running out of time

siri was once my belovèd
now she is ...
a warning? a mockery?
a trick of the force?

i must be cautious