Making New Food Into Yummy Old Food
by Susu, Rosie, MaceVindaloo
Menu: Citrus-Sesame Marinated Grilled London Broil | Making Fun of da Boss Fried Fish Fillets | Chips for Butties | Misogynist's Fat Pork Sirloin Fingers | Convenient Toasty Cheese Sammies | A Pair of Watermelon Bowls
"Hobbie! Hobbie!" Wes Janson was in a panic as he yelled for his friend and roommate. The other man came running, wondering what the crisis was and cursed himself for not having his blaster with him."What is it? Invasion?" Even after being retired from active military service for several years, Hobbie Klivian never got used to the quiet life and always assumed the worst. But he stopped short and he saw his distressed friend staring at the open refrigerator. "What???"
"There's nothing to EAT!" wailed the other man, "no old food leftovers of ANY kind! Just NEW food! Hobbie, we have to COOK!"
Being that he hadn't brought his blaster with him, Hobbie settled for punching his friend in the head. Then he looked at the contents of the refrigerator and started to get a plan together to create enough "leftovers" — cooked food, ready to heat and eat and put into sandwiches — for the weekend.
Citrus-Sesame Marinated Grilled London Broil
Being that they are two bachelors, their refrigerator was filled with meat, which they'd bought when it was on sale, or perhaps it had been given to them ... some of it was a few days or more old. "What good is having this stuff if we're letting it age like this?" The two men tended to punch and wrestle each other a lot even over minor disagreements, but this time, they punched the tough cut of steak to soften the fibers up a bit, then punched some citrus to squeeze out the juice, then dumped the meat into the marinade and went out to the tapcaf to get some beer while the meat had it's flavorful soaking. When they got back, they were a bit tipsy and very hungry, but as long as you don't try to touch the hot griddle, the cooking is very easy to do. (If you're less into the machismo of grilling, use a broiler instead ...)- grated rind of one orange or lemon or lime
- ¼ cup orange juice or lemon juice or lime juice
- ¼ cup soy sauce
- 2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil
- 2 tablespoons toasted sesame
- 3 cloves garlic, smashed and chopped
- fat finger-sized knob of fresh ginger, grated, or smashed and chopped
- 2 tablespoons pepper, freshly grated or cracked
- red pepper flakes or red pepper sauce, to taste (start with 1/8 teaspoon — this gets spicier on cooking)
Making Fun of da Boss Fried Fish Fillets
Being men, Hobbie and Wes would join their fellow former pilots for a fishing expedition now and again. They'd pull their bounty onto the dock or boats and do little dances with them, or have erudite discussions ... somehow, the voices and accents of the underwater creatures they puppeted heavily resembled Admiral Akbar, their former boss. After much giggling, they'd cut and skin the fish into fillets and ice them down for freezing. Thus there was always fish in the freezer, which they'd remember when they needed to create "new" food, and shallow-frying it was a macho enough way to cook it. What's more, the same oil could be used to cook french fries, for fish and chips — very macho! Not only was it good when hot and fresh, but it was also great the next day in a sandwich with tomato, mayonnaise, and a toasty bun. And they'd make Admiral Akbar voices throughout the preparation and the meal, too!- vegetable oil or duck fat or whatever your preference, for shallow frying
- bluefish fillets, boned and skinned
- spicy horseradish cream or mustard
- fine yellow cornmeal (not cornflour)
Hot Chips for Butties
There is nothing as wondrous as a fresh, hot french fry ... but actually, a SANDWICH made from fresh, hot french fries is arguably better! Wes and Hobbie are careful not to do this in front of women though, since females seem to not appreciate how a starch+fat hot thing should be put between slices of soft white bread slathered with a thick layer of butter. Add salt, to add to the nega-cardio treats. It's very boy, don't you think? As for a "buttie" ... it's a dialectical word meaning sandwich. Neither Wes nor Hobbie will admit who's fault that word is ... If you make a lot of these chips, you can reheat them in the oven or in a frying pan and make chip butties any time you need a caloric lift!- 1 lb / 450 g frozen french fries
- enough oil or fat to cover the bottom of a skillet about 1" / 2½ cm deep
To make Butties: Spread a slice of soft, fresh white bread with soft butter. Place the salted, hot fries on the butter and fold/roll the bread around them to eat as a sort of open-faced half-sandwich. If you eat too many of these, you'll die.
Misogynist's Fat Pork Sirloin Fingers
"Chicken fingers are for kids and women!" exclaim the ravenous menfolk who happen to be our favorite sometimes-misogynistic pilots. Actually, exclamations like that one make women avoid them anyway, so they claim to be misogynistic so it looks like they did it on purpose. In such situations, they make the best of it and buy pork sirloin steaks — not the pork chop that is so pretty and popular, but a blobby shaped piece of meat with darker and lighter muscles together on one steak. They cut each thick steak into four "fingers" — each fat finger is substantial enough to be a meal for any normal person, but when they are feeling sorry for themselves and a bit drunk, they like to bite something more huge ... cutting these into fingers also makes them easier to chew. And they get more of that crunchy coating they like on chicken fingers, only it ain't dainty. As for making sandwiches, use a hoagy roll and make a big one, like our favorite misogynists do!- pork sirloin or shoulder steaks, cut into "fingers"
- salt, to taste
- pepper, to taste
- sesame seeds, toasted
- cornstarch, for dredging the meat
- 2 eggs, beaten with a tablespoon or so of water (eggwash)
- dry breadcrumbs
- oil or fat for shallow frying
Season the pork fingers with salt and pepper. Mix together the cornstarch and sesame seeds, and dredge the pork through that. Coat thoroughly and shake off the excess. Dip the pork into the eggwash, then roll in the breakcrumbs.Heat about an inch of oil in the bottom of a big skillet to about 350°/ 175°C, and the oven at about 200°C / 95°C. Carefully place the prepared pork fingers in the oil, being careful not to overcrowd. The oil should boil around the coated meat. When the first side is golden brown, turn over with tongs, being careful not to rip the coating. When done, place on a rack set over a baking tray and place in the oven to keep warm while you cook the remaining pork fingers. When done, remove the fingers from the heat and let rest for 5 minutes before eating. Good with rice and a salad with cheese in it.
Cover and chill leftovers. To reheat, place in a dry, cold frying pan and place over a medium flame till crispy. Turn with tongs as each side is done. Or place in a 350° / 175°C oven for 10 or so minutes. Slice crosswise for piling in sandwiches, or place in hoagy rolls and season with mustard AND ketchup and worchestershire.
Convenient Toasty Cheese Sammies
Making a toasted cheese sandwich is a simple but multi-step process. Get the bread out of the 'fridge, soften the butter, butter the bread on the OUTSIDE, slice the cheese, form the sandwich, drop the inside-out sandwich on a griddle or frying pan ... it didn't take Wes and Hobbie long to realize they could do this assembly-line fashion for a whole loaf of bread and stick the things on an oven tray and cook the sandwiches on high heat in the oven till they were melted and oozy on the inside and crispy on the outside. They could stuff themselves till they were sick, then stick the leftovers in the fridge when cold. When they came home too drunk and needed a good lining for their abused bellies, they could dump a ready-made sandwich into a hot skillet — dry, no additional butter needed — toasted cheese sandwich instantly later in the week!
- softened or melted butter
- loaf of sandwich bread, sliced
- sliced cheese, we recommend cheddar or muenster already sliced
A Pair of Watermelon Bowls
There is nothing more refreshing than cold, cold watermelon. Wes and Hobbie liked it a lot, but they were too "manly" to spit out or cut out the pits, so they simply swallowed them whole. That part wasn't as good, actually ... and the regular watermelons are oblong, which makes eating them a bit difficult. You see, these men's men didn't slice and make wedges of the stuff — too girly, you know? — but instead just hacked the things in half, and would dig into the natural "bowls" with big serving spoons, eating the red flesh like cereal from a bowl. If they cut the oblong things in half, they'd often lost a bunch of fruit toward the bottom, when it got too deep to dig out. The only options were to trim the bowls down in height, or to toss the things out. The solution to both problems? Buy seedless — they tend to be spherical, rather than oblong, so they formed two very manageable hemispherical bowls, and they didn't have to crunch through the seeds or spit them out and make a bigger mess of their place! Food engineering for macho men!
- 1 seedless watermelon, chilled
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